只有你在我的♥中

It hella sucked. Raymond came, and in his head were 2 things, Miley and Tennis. GOSH. Hella made me have a million emotions. They are both singles players, and they both hit well, so when we played King of the Court, they obviously were winning like crazy. Gosh, it's not fair..Raymond cheats. And he's so flucking FLUCKING flirting with Miley, it flucking annoys me. He goes..haha, everyone makes fun of Miley, and I'm thinking ...what the fluck is he talking about, nobody (no guys) does except HIM. And he just has to be her partner, when her partner originally was someone not too good in tennis, to keep balance. But when Raymond stepped in, gosh. Me and my partner had to play against him, too. I didn't even want to try, and we didn't win. It's so annoying how it has to be like this. Cause, I know he's probably there for Miley. He said, that he won't be going to practice till after Sept. 19, after his driving test. But no...he comes to practice, because on Wednesday, he probably saw how good Miley is, and since his little fantasy is to probably get a tennis girl, since he loves Ace no Nerae, esp. the girl that I HATE, Miley is the closest he "can get". And, he's all like.. "What's wrong Miley?" when she was hitting bad. Fluck, he thinks she's the only one having a "bad day", jeez, I was having the worst practice ever. Raymond loves to win, too, so he takes the best girl player at practice, greeaaattt. Flucking annoying. And when I got on the bus, I wanted to cry 3 times, so much poop today. I also get pist that I'm sad and crying over him, when he's acting this way. Especially, I confessed that I still had feelings, and he still had to act like this. Seriously, I don't know what the heck has gotten into him, but I can't help my heart from getting jealous. And when I'm practicing volleying with the coach, the ball I hit almost hit Raymond, and he's like..watch it or w.e. Like.. DUDE, DON'T WALK ON THE FLUCKING COURT..DUH. I'm not so GREAT like you, jeez. I also thought of this line on the bus " You shouldn't be happy when you win, you should be happy that I don't cry when you're around". I guess, somehow I'm strong like that, I get pist off when he's there, and when I'm alone, I start getting sad and cry. :/ It's still...bothering me, and I haven't been able to talk to him about it or whatever. I wouldn't even know how to say it to him.

"Life's saddest thing is jealousy"..what about heartbreak+jealousy? 

Aiy, I'm starting to like lonliness, it's better than having a bunch of people around you that you don't like or whatever. Maybe I want Raymond to pity me, cause he has not. He was closeby as I walked alone to the tennis courts from the bus stop. And like, does he even notice, care or feel sorry for me, that all of my supposed friends are excluding me during practice, except for my tennis partner. Because of Joann's evil brainwashing to my badminton partner, we are on the same bus and she acts like I'm not even there. Tennis practice just gets worse and worse, where the heck am I suppose to find motivation to go, when it hella sickens me when those two are there. Gah >.<

My first day of school was...not sure how it was. Chemistry AP was first, and me and Raymond sat really far away from each other, and once we all settled down, we were given a packet of worksheets. :( My partner and I didn’t know how to do a lot of the questions, too. :( Then second period, Art, I sat next to Angelica at first, and Raymond and his friend, Albert, sat all the way at the other end, on the opposite table. (The tables are hella long, too). Then we were forced to move & sit in ABC order. Me, Angel, Raymond and Albert were all in different areas of the classroom, except Raymond and Albert got to sit next to each other! >:[ The class is pretty darn boring. Then for 3^rd period, I had AP U.S. History, and Raymond sits in the back with Alice and someone else, a girl named Mabel, while I sit at the front with three guys at my table, lol. That class will probably be my favorite, even though it will be tough, since I became a history nut, kinda. That’s all thanks to Raymond, since we were in Modern World together, when our seats were next to it all, it was destiny. I’ve discovered that I love history..haha. Because, before I hated it. And this is definitely a good thing, because lawyers need to like history! Thanks to Raymond :D

Then 4^th period is American Lit. Honors. Everyone in my class, I’m not really close with, and it seems like a small class, unlike most of the others. And the teacher is kinda new to teaching, so he seems quite easy. His biggest flaw is trying too hard to get to know the students. But the class is like hella quite, and pretty boring even though we play “games”/ do activities. 5^th period is Chinese 5. Hella crowded, 40 people. It was … pointless? 6^th period is Pre-Calculus, and the teacher wasn’t there, so we had a sub. It was h.i.l.a.r.i.o.u.s.! Victor asked the teacher how to say his last name, and the teacher got hella pist, He went on really mad yelling at Victor, saying that his name is in American English…break it up to syllables…QUACK-EN-BUSH. Even when Victor was like..calm down, I know how to say it now, he still wouldn’t stop getting mad, and it was soo hilarious. Man, there’s nothing like being there that time, because just describing it is nothing like it. Then, it gets better, cause Yoseph asked the same question! And he totally blew up again, did the same thing again. Priceless. Then Ermias (?) made fun of Quackenbush’s last name, and Quackenbush hella yelled at him. Then later, he read the school rules, which was pointless, before that, he started to lecture us about not messing with subs, and it kinda seemed like he wanted to cry. He also kept blowing up during class, even when people asked if they turn in their worksheet. Perfect revenge for Raymond, cause he hates quackenbush, almost threw a book at him once. LOL. After school was tennis, and then everything else is the usual routine.

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That was yesterday, now this part is today

Chem. AP- Sub :D Oh yeah, Raymond and Andrew sit at the SAME TABLE for Chem…today and yesterday. (Tomorrow he’s going to transfer out, I think) I finally got to sit with my buddy Binh, and we sat on the table right in front of Raymond’s. He and his table talked a lot, so it was kinda hard to finish my work, but this time the worksheets was easier. I told them the story about quackenbush, and kinda raised my voice to emphasize the angry sub part, and he was a like..dude, calm down, your so loud. But not necessarily in the friendliest way. Then later when he tried to explain something..he makes me feel dumber cause he sounds pist that I don’t understand. When he knows I do not like Chem.

Art- We learned about “contour lines”. I don’t like drawing contour lines. -_-

U.S. Hist. AP- Nice lecture about presidents. Very informing and intresting.

American Lit. Hon.- We read out-loud some quotes and described them, then did this little acting of the untold story of the 3 little pigs. And we are assigned to do something like that with our group. Kinda pointless, considering we are in American Literature…

Chinese 5- Sat down for a few minutes, told the teacher that I still haven’t been able to talk to the counselor about my language class & etc. Later, my friend Jackie transfers into Chinese 5, but, there’s too many people. So, the teacher gets me and this other girl (Jessica’s cousin, the Jessica in our Chinese school. Her cousin looks like her, and goes to Chinese school, still) are forced to see the principal, along with Jackie. The secretary kinda kicks us out since we don’t have an appointment, and told us to wait 30 mins & come back. Instead, Jackie goes into class and me and that girl stand outside and loiter the hall :P Finally, got to talk to the counselor, and I changed my “Chinese 5” into TA for my Spanish teacher. It’s during her free period, too. So my “job” is to cut paper and also I get to study/do some homework in Spanish, so then I won’t forget my Spanish.

Well, that’s the classes I had today. After school, Raymond patted/hit my head. Well, the cause of this is probably because during lunch, I was trying to talk in Mandarin, and Raymond heard me and said, speak canto, not “manto”. And I’m like, don’t you mean, mando. Then he tries to smack me with the book, and blocks it with his hand. So then, my first instinct was to elbow him in the stomach. Then he said “Now I know why…” If I had to complete his sentence, it would be “Now I know why I broke up with you.” Like. WTF. So I was kinda sad about what he said, afterwards. But then again, I don’t know what he wanted to say. So that’s alice’s theory to why he did patted my head. I kinda liked it..yes I’m crazy. Because, I don’t know. :(

Well, tomorrow is a short day. We’ll just wait and see what will happen.

QotD: Life-Changing Decision

What decision changed the course of your life? 
Submitted by Ally.

First thing that comes to mind is Raymond's decision to break up with me.

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A Day of He|| today, definately. Ok, maybe not definately. Problems erupt when I went to see my schedule:

1- Chemistry 1 AP

2- Art 1

3- U.S. History 1 AP

4- American Literature Honors

5- Chinese 5

6- Pre-calculus 1

It was exactly like that when I got there. Like..OMFreakingGoodness! Chinese 5??? WTF! I SO Didn't FREAKING sign up for that!!!! I'm suppose to be in Spanish 5 Honors!!! But the stupid schedule >:[ And, I didn't sign up for ART, I WANT DRAMA. But no, Chem AP is the same time as Drama! And, I think it's the same time as Spanish 5 Honors. I think if I take regular spanish, I can't take U.S. History AP? Not sure. And if I don't take Art, I have to take Phsyiology, then senior year I have to take Biotech. Both don't intrest me, nor does it meet the Lab Science requirement (I think). If I did that, Chinese 5 would be Band. Band..pianos aren't in band. And that would mean no language and a extra science! So All-in-all, my schedule right now is the best bet. Even though it's totally, totally not right!

And more problems erupt. I was at school, so then later I could go practice tennis. I did tell Raymond about practice, but I didn't really ask him to come, so no pressure. I thought this dude was Raymond, but it wasn't. That's soo funny right? IT GETS FREAKING FUNNIER (you know what that means..) Raymond was right there, across from that person. I walk pass him, and he doesn't look, doesn't say hi, or anything. NOTHING. Then me & 3 other girls had to play "short court", and Mrs. Nishimoto calls Raymond over. I eventually walk past him again, and say "Ni Hao". He ignores me..like..who the heck are you? I guess, after that moment, both of us were like ". . ." Later, we had to play some game, and it was mixed doubles, as in boy and girl as one team. "Sadly", I was paired with Raymond, knew it was going to happen even if I wasn't standing where I was standing. He doesn't say anything to me. And I sucked too..I missed the ball >.<. I wasn't nervous..just not prepared. Finally, we did win. I know how he plays, we played doubles before, he likes to get the ball. I kinda rather him get it, he has way more skill and practice. Then as I walked to the other side of the court, Mrs. Nishimoto was like "Did something happen between you two?" And I was like..uh... When I was walking towards that side, Raymond was running to get the ball, cross court. It wasn't my fault that he had to, I was like..walking slowly but bothered by the coach, so then he had to save the ball. So I felt kinda bad anyways. Later, when I hit the ball and then the ball hits the net, I keep saying "Sorry", but to him, it means nothing. Like, he doesn't know what the heck I'm saying. He doesn't advise me what so ever. When we stood in line waiting to hit, I said "Hi, Raymond", and he said "Hi". I asked him if he saw his schedule and he said he did, and said he has no Honors classes. At that moment, I thought I had it worse, but I think he has it worse, not getting 2 Honors, when I couldn't get 1. When I asked him for any pointers, he said nothing, or "      ". That was pointless. The next time we stood in line again, when I stood near him, he backed away and played against the wall. The image is still in my head & it annoys me too. I feel ignored. Oh yeah, I asked him if he was ignoring me, but he said he wasn't. P.S.H. 

So that's basically all the crap that happened today. I actually started saying "f***" in my head, a lot. But, I've stopped now. I wanted to cry several times, but not once during practice. I even left with a stomach ache, probably from my "girl problem".

My only sprinkle of Joy today, was my good ole friend Binh. She's a senior, my friend since I was in Biology Honors during freshmen year. She's experiencing the exact same things. She and her ex were dating for a very long time, dated one month before me and Andrew, and continued dating till this summer. Our situations are soo close, are emotions are 95% or more, alike. She even said "I can sense you still hella like him" and I said "lol. Why? Are you the same?". Yeah..maybe I still have feelings for him, but I don't want to still like him. He's treating me horribly, and doesn't see that it hurts. He hasn't seen me hurt because of what happened. He, has like, NO idea. Well, like Binh said, it's so relieving to have someone to talk to, someone who totally understands what you mean, and is totally going what you're going through. I wish the best of luck to everyone. And watch out for boys this year, lots of them have been breaking a girls heart lately. I have 3 known cases. It's not good.. :(

To think that earlier today, I was pretty happy/ satisfied. Then "this" happens. I'm feeling different emotions, like sad, pist off, and content. They don't go together, haha. Oh well, all-in-all, I'm ok

Today, went to the dentist's office to get my teeth cleaned, then came back home. Left home again at 3:20, when tennis practice starts at 3:30 >.< Oh well, the coach didn't get mad at me :P. When I first started using my forhand to hit the ball, they kept hitting the net or out. >.< I guess it happens when I don't practice. But after the warm-up, I hit very well, I believe. It's suprised me, too. Then we practiced doing volleys, I kinda freaked out >.< Lastly we did serves. My first few serves weren't so good like usual. But then, I served a really nice one, and after that, I served one with power, and I think the ball bounced inside the serving box. :D My regular serve is more consistent than before, and I can kinda serve with a bit of force. Well, I'm really need to practice tossing the ball up, cause that is a big problem for me today. Somehow, I kinda think I improved, even though I didn't practice at all... What's super wierd was after I served, Mrs. Nishimoto asked me "Are you and Raymond still 'going'?" And I was like.. "Uh... something happened over the summer (I kinda mumbled it). BUT I told Raymond about practice this week, and he might come." >.< I bet she asked me this all of a sudden because of the other guys in the tennis team have been blaber-mouthing. When they know nothing. UNLESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG, I just noticed. The boys know nothing unless JOANN told BRYAN! Freaking Baron, like the 2nd best on the guy's team, the best there today, he even asked me "....What, did you and Raymond break up?...etc" Omg...high possiblity... What's funny, is that Joann gave me the idea that it's probably the guys that let Mrs. Nishimoto find out. Possiblities, possibilities. Wierd...... I'm quite sure Joann told hella people now. Tiffany knows, that's why Joann was talking about it on the bus, so the freaking world will know, jeez. So, I bet Theresa, Lina, Jessica Choi & etc. know. It's none of their buisness, gosh. -__-

Whatever. Just dl-ed Ep.17 of Cartoon Kattun. :D 

Just a few days ago, I "discovered" Yuna Ito. She has a beautiful voice, so "Check it out, yo!". And the lyrics are nice too! Here most popular ones (I think) are "Endless Story" & "Precious". Here are lyrics to "Endless Love" (Song fits me well, again :P ):

Memories of our time together
this way, they don’t go away

Once I knew that the warmth between us had disappeared,
gentle tears started to spread over my chest
This is not where it ends, I’m missing you
please don’t let go of my hand

You see, I wish I could sing this song, just for you
just one more time
An ENDLESS STORY of undying love
tell me why, please tell me, forever and ever

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Precious:

On the day I couldn’t see
my heart I felt insecure
The meaning of loving somebody
it’s something I decide myself
truth can be found in everything

I promise you, I won’t wander off anymore
I’ll be strong...and prove myself to you
I won’t run away, I’ll turn around to face you
so I can see how you feel, to heart

*I will believe
so the two of us can be together in love
In order for my wish to reach the sky
I will look for you, and pray for the two of us
A pair of thoughts, now they can come
together and from a whole
Your precious love

When pain or bitterness pulls us
apart, we can hold each other
We’re no longer alone,
because everything is answered by true love

I will believe
so the two of us can be together in love
I’ll hold your hand forever, don’t let
go, let’s make a promise, the two of us
A pair of thoughts, now they can come
together and from a whole
Just the two of us

I believe that right now we can
strengthen this young and complacent love
There can be truth
A new beginning
I want to be one with you

I will believe
that we can come together
right now, right here, and love each other
So in order to light your light fill me
I hug you tightly

*Repeat

[Credit: cherryblossom-garden.com]

Today was ok, different from the "usual". First went to Fry's, then we went to Malibu. We ate Pepperoni Pizza, then we played mini golf. Most of the holes were pretty simple, and I got 3 hole in ones. :D Most ever, for me. The wind was blowing hard, too, so that wasn't helpful to me. :( And in the end, I lost, too many "6"s.. Oh Well. Then later we played at the arcade, the games pretty much suck. There's Deal or No Deal game, seemed cool, but I didn't play :/ Me and my brother ended up getting 2 inflatable hammers and 2 cheap erasers.Well, that's probably it for my unusual day... yeah.

As you may or may not know, I love Kat-tun

I only know some of their full names by memory:

• K= Kame (nickname)
• A= Akanshi Jin (not sure about the first part)
• T= Taguchi Junnosuke :D kawaii
• T= Tanaka Koki (I think.. >.<)
• U= UEDA TATSUYA :D &hearts;
• N= Maru (nickname)

Kattun

I love Ueda's song "Love in Snow", cause it happens to be another song related to me. Only problem is that it doesn't really snow here in S.F. :/ Well, here are the beautiful lyrics (Credit: http://goro-chan.livejournal.com/55202.html#cutid1):

How far does the heartbreaking road home continue on for?

Love In Snow

OH��8�OHOH(.�
,.�
&�

QotD: First Crush

How old were you when you had your very first boyfriend/girlfriend? Do you still know them now? 
Submitted by KIM. 

Uh...I'm not sure..12? I still know him..we just don't talk. Actually, my "first" one was in 3rd grade... And I still know him now, we go to the same school

OMG..that's a wierd pattern.

Stanford: We don't talk

Andrew: We do talk

Raymond: We don't talk.. technically..

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Today, my best friend came to visit me :D I got my cool birthday present from her, too :D I got these japanese crackers..YUM :) I got a monkey keychain- Kawaii :P and 2 pretty earrings :] ! We talked about lots of things, although some were not so pleasant... School's starting again soon, and we won't be able to see each other too much. :( I definately wish her the "bestest" of luck in everything... So basically, today, finally wasn't the "same-old, same-old".

11:56 PM

Oh God. When he just signed on at first, my whole body was like..in one second of pain.."flashpain" :P, the pain I feel when something bad happens during a drama..

I wonder how long he's going to stay online..I'm invisible..btw..

12:51 AM

Well, I was pretty pist, but talked some stuff out with Andrew, and got better. What happened was I IMed Raymond, and 9 seconds after the second IM, he went away. I waited a few minutes, and started to type something, and he signs off. Coincidental? Probably not.

Time and Timing. Dislike them! I dislike time, because after all this time without any contact with him (well, barely), I don't even know what the heck I want to say, what I want to know, and how to act. :/

QotD: My Musical Influence

Which friend or acquaintance most influenced your taste in music? 
Submitted by Rev Stan.

Definately Raymond.

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Today, I have gained back my Photoshop craze. Go to my myspace and check out the new layout (not made by me :/ ), and the avatar of an egg. Coolest Avatar yet! Made by me, of course..kehehe :P I was looking at pictures related to "heart broken". I found this cute, but sad, comic strip.

Story of a Broken Heart

Gosh, haven't talked to Raymond for soo long. I'm wondering if he'd pick up the phone if I blocked my number. But if he did, I don't know how I'd feel, at least I get a chance to talk to him. Sigh, I can't believe how long it has been since we had a long conversation. It's fustrating, but it mostly makes me feel sad and uneasy inside. I wish he could talk to me. I keep asking myself "Why are you stuck in my head, Raymond?". Something "sweet" is coming up, but it won't really be sweet at all.

Some people tell me to move on, but I say to them, I really can't. That's because soo many things remind me of him, so it's really hard to get him off my mind. I'm too confused right now to move on, unless I get everything straight. It fustrates me that I have no idea what's going on, and it's been like that for a while. I wonder if there are other reasons for the break up, besides the ones he said.

Today, Alice finally found out. She asked if she could kick his ass & etc. But of course, I told her not too. All I want, is to understand "everything"...EVERYTHING. Make it all clear, before I make the final decision of moving on or not.

Here's another cute picture...

Why Don't You Call Anymore?

 That's all. I need to start studying, again. Still have to read Chp.5 for US History & read/do the Fast Track 1-3 (Aiy, that totally reminds me of him. We studied that together in the library on the last anniversary we celebrated. Not only that, his paper is still in my wrkbook, along with his handwriting & his memories...)

Vintage QotD: My Life Is Taggable

What are the 5 words that best describe your life right now?
Submitted by mojito.  

1. Broken  2. Lonely  3. Unhappy  4.Confusing  5.Determined

1. Broken- Heartbroken, My life seems like it kinda broke apart

2. Lonely- Wanting someone by myself, when it hasn't happened

3. Unhappy- Not really happy these days

4. Confusing- He hasn't called or talked, so I don't know what's up. Sometimes I want to do one thing, then later I'm like..why do I want to do that? Music makes sense though..

5. Determined- I'm trying my best to focus more ony my goals now.

Today was same-old Sunday. I think I'm going to e-mail him, see what's up. I'm in confusion, cause I haven't heard a word from him lately, well barely heard from him. Zhe Me Ban?

I made a wretch blog thing. It will be more like my "public" blog, this is more like my "private" blog.

http://www.wretch.cc/blog/justdebb

I recommend reading all the posts! Except for the last 2, they aren't important. Those are the only things that make sense in my life right now, apart from schoolwork.

That's all I've got. I am constantly checking my e-mails. >.< But I haven't recieved anything lately!